Monday, March 30, 2009

File #90020330

On Dreams

I'm working on a massive economic project right now, so I didn't get to review any of my old papers. But I'll post some material as I progress through the research, I'm finding lots of informational tidbits that are very interesting, or disturbing which way you look at it. But that's a post for another day, now it's time for a filler!
If you read my other post, then you already heard me talk about dreams once before. And if you've attended some of the classes I'm in, you've probably heard it even more. But I'd like to talk about it a little more today. This time, some tips that are a little more... "concrete", I suppose.
1. Milestones. There's a reason they're called milestones. Don't make them too close to each other, yet don't make them too far. For example, if you aim for a million bucks like me, don't set a milestone down at each thousand. And don't set one at half a million either. Also, make them concrete and exact, so you know when you passed it. Once again an example, "I want to live in Hawaii". An applicable milestone would be, "I bought a lease on a apartment in Honolulu." Get it? (And that's an example, although it is what I'm going for.)
2. Save a little for your goal. Sure, money's not everything, but it helps you get there. In the current economic situation, it can be a little hard to save even a little, but that money saved will come in handy down the road. For example, I saved nearly all of my earning I made during high school, a few years later, that money helped me pay for college and my monthly living expenses while I concentrating on studying and such. Nowadays, I try to save at least 50% of my paycheck by placing it in some form of investment. That'll help me buy that apartment, you see?
3. Your dream is not only your dream. There's others who share your dream, find them! Not only will they give you important information of what you might experience on your road for goals, but you won't feel as alone. And trust me, that's an important feeling. I met many Hawaiians whose goals are to return back to Hawaii after college, most of them have family there, so it's a lot easier for them than for me. But thanks to them, my goal doesn't feel as impossible as it would if I were alone.
4. Do your research, it's always better that way. A little research can go a long way, and even save you quite a bit of money and time. I like to spend a little of each day researching a little on my goals, a while back, I got a hold of a real estate agent in Hawaii to talk about average prices of homes in Honolulu and such. Now I know what to look for. I'm not an expert yet, but at least I'm not a complete noob. Get the point?
5. Reward yourself. I know I mentioned this before, but I can't stress this point enough. Without rewards or breaks, you will burn out. Period. No matter how long you think you can last, you will burn out eventually. And sometimes that crash can cost you. Take a break, go on a little vacation, spend some time with your family, or spouse, or kids, or whatever. Go watch the game, go play a game. Do something that isn't goal-oriented and is something you enjoy doing. Because no matter how grandiose your goal may seem, even you'll get tired of thinking about it day after day.

And I hope those tips were a little more "tangible" than the ones I talked about before. And as always, if you have any further inquiries you know where to reach me.
Oh yeah, on my own record, I've added some goals to my list of dreams. I've added:
1. Visit Canada. Come on, it's Canada! It's easier than Europe and Japan, and there are quite a few sights I'd like to see. The Falls, Vancouver, Toronto, The Canadian Rockies, Ice Truckers, and snow. Real, thick, fluffy, white snow. I think monetary-wise, I can already accomplish this goal. I just need the time.
2. A vacation home. I already established I want to live in Hawaii, but I'm also a snow-lover, so I think I need another home somewhere. I was thinking Seattle. Go Seahawks!
3. Make a scrapbook of my adventures. I want to take a picture of everything, make it into a record, so I can show others. Then it wouldn't be just me talking, I'll have concrete proof that I have done what I said I have. And sometimes to get people to believe(in both me and themselves), it takes just that.
4. Publish! I'm getting a lot more closer to writing the stories that I want to write now. Finishing a story actually feels like a goal I'm slowly reaching. It would be nice if I could get this story out, even if I have to start small.

Those are a few more goals for me that I thought I'd share.
Passing that, I want to talk about the other dreams. Like the ones you have in your sleep. I've been sleeping a little longer recently, and I actually get to dream much more and much longer. Unfortunately, I get a lot more FEAR-related dreams, which are a mix of FEAR, Doom, Dead Space, Silent Hill, and Resident Evil. I used to think of it as quite scary, but I think it's finally sinking in on me that this is usual. Lucky for me, more sleep means that I stop getting crazy hallucinations when I'm awake and I stop hearing whispers(I'm not crazy...).
Also, I've been having many "past dreams". It's like I see memories of my past, some of which I thought I had forgotten. Now these dreams are somewhat scary. To think that I've been forgetting my past, even manipulating them to suit my happiness. It's kind of scary what time can do to one's memories, all the more reason I've started to write everything I remember down. Something written down is harder to manipulate than memories.
And last, and probably the worst dreams that I have, are the recurring ones. From what I've researched, the dream(or my brain) is trying to tell me something. But I don't know what it is. I can never finish the dream, sometimes I see more, sometimes I see less. I'd rather have prophetic dreams or epic dreams, but no, I get stuck with recurring dreams. I say they're more recurring nightmares, than dreams, they're much too frightening. I'm beginning to get the feeling that it's rather urgent I figure it out, because I'm getting some pain when I wake up everyday. I should go see a doctor or psychiatrist or something.
All I can say is that it feels like I'm running and confronting something. I say "confronting" because I can't tell whether I'm running from it, or fighting it. It's rather dark, and a lot of it doesn't make sense to me at all. Like at one point, I was running on an elevated walkway. Look down, and there's more elevated walkways. Kind of like the view you get when you look downward in a multi-level mall. The only time I ever saw this was in LA, and I hated that city. so seriously, wtf.
Anyway, I guess I'll talk about that when it starts making more sense to me. Or maybe when it drives me insane. You know, either/or situation(lol).

and since I absolutely cannot leave without posting a vid.

I really like the lyrics on that one, chrous and all. Yep, War Fanaticism. And the instrumental sounds pretty good too!
and this too.
and for the record, yes, I love self-referencing, makes me feel awesome(lol).

Thursday, March 19, 2009

File #90029130B


Okay, so originally this post was supposed to go to the Xana Net because it was purely rant, but I decided to get it here because there was a few things I felt belonged in the File Cabinet. So anyway, yeah. Enjoy!

Change is something we all deal with, everyday in fact. From a small change in our morning commute to the large change in the time we sleep at night. Some changes are larger than others, and some are more felt than some less noticeable ones. We deal with some changes better than others, there are even changes that don't affect us at all(is that still called a change?). Now where am I going with this? Easy, change is the easiest way to derail someone's perfect plan. I've seen it too many times, a good person ruined by the unexpected change. To make it worse, the disaster could have been avoided or minimized by taking steps.
For example, I'll use myself. Back several years ago, I used to run on rather a rigid schedule everyday. Wake up, class, work, study, sleep, repeat. There was not a lot of extra time in my day, and a simple change was disastrous. I almost had my schedule down to the minute, eating was timed and sleep was obviously controlled. My friends all warned me how bad I was going to pay for my packed day later, but I did not listen. After all, I had been fine up to that point. I crashed halfway in my first year of college, I couldn't do anything for weeks. Couldn't study, didn't feel like going outside, felt horribly sick, didn't even feel like playing games or eating. Looking back, I think it was more gradual than it seemed. Over time I lost my sense of hunger and fatigue. And everyone knows what happens when your body and mind is fatigued. You lose interest in things that you used to like, you can't eat well and so on. Surprisingly,I was never irritable. Friends say I got more apathetic, which to them was a good thing(lol).
Anyway, I learned from my crash, there's plenty of spare time in my days now. But I still don't sleep much. I figured now would be a good time for a change. I've been 21 for a while now, and sometimes it feels like life is going anywhere. And when you feel stuck, nothing helps better than a little change.
I am changing my schedule once again, to better suit a larger sleeping schedule. It's being moved up from 3-4 hours to 5-6 hours a night. This should help get rid of those strange FEAR-esque hallucinations that has plagued me for years(I say it again,I'm not crazy!) and other things I believe are caused by my voluntary sleep deprivation. Not surprisingly, most of those were horror-related like hearing voices, seeing shadows move when alone, and feeling like I was being followed. Hopefully, more sleep will put these crazy things to rest and leave me in peace(no pun intended).
Getting more sleep was the first change. The next change is work-related. People call me crazy, but I love my job. All three of them(1. Office paperpusher 2. Financial Advisor, stock portfolio). But I have decided to slack off a little, stop to smell the flowers if you will. Before, I wanted to accomplish my dreams as fast as possible. But recently a friend asked me, "Why? What would you do when you're done?" Since I couldn't answer, I'm taking his advice and slowing down. Unfortunately for the people in my office, that means my NERF offensive campaigns are going up 200%.So I'll take more days off work, shoot the breeze at the lounge more, and take time to personalize my desk space.
And third, time for school! I've always relied on my genius genes to pull me through. Only scanning material once then taking the test and passing with flying colors. My methods are crazy, and I'm not sure they'll work soon. So I'll start seriously studying for once in my life. Who knows? Maybe I'll get even smarter(lol). And for those you from class reading these, yes I'm still tutoring on any subject even if you bring in something like Calculus IV you jerks.
Finally, attention to friends. My number one problem is my disability to stay in touch. Long distances are impossible for me to handle because I really like going face-to-face. But I'll change that. As a start, I finally updated my cell phone to have all my friends on speed dial. But I still won't do texting, you can't make me pay that! I used to spend a lot of time and resources for my friends, traveling to go see them, even buying a plane ticket every now and then. I'll do that again, I even have my passport ready this time(For those friends interested, I'm planning a cruise to the Bahamas this summer in place of my Eurotrip, email me!). The original reason I wanted lots of money was to support my friends anyway, it's time I followed through on that.

That's changes for me, there's many more, but we'll save those for another day or as discussion topics. Now for me to help you!
1. View changes as good! In this day and age, most people see changes as bad, that's wrong! Depending on which way you look at it, a change can be better or worse, and I know we should all prefer the better.
2. Make some changes yourself! If you're getting that "everyday's the same" feeling,its time for a change. You're not a robot, why act like one? Do something you don't usually do, or do something completely new. Talk to new people, visit new places, eat something new and delicious!
3. Don't expect the unexpected! That saying is outdated anyway. Why expect something that is statistically proven to have a slim chance of happening? Sure, it's nice to plan for the worst, but that proves you're a pessimist. Have fun, enjoy what you're doing, stay within the bounds of common sense,and you'll do fine.
4. Change yourself! We always say we're going to do it tomorrow, do it today! Better yet, do it now! "I'll be a better cook", get practicing. "I start reading the newspaper everyday," it's on your front lawn. After all, why feel good tomorrow, when you can feel good now?
5. Don't rush! Yes, I put this under #4 on purpose. Many changes are gradual, start now but plan accordingly. For those of you exercising, don't make the mistake I did. You're not going to get stronger by killing yourself for three weeks straight. Take it slow and steady, you'll be impressed at the result.
That's my tips for today, it's all common sense, but you'll be surprised at just how easy it is to forget in today's hectic society. And don't forget to take you time chillaxin'(Thanks to my Hawaiian friend for that one)!

Now I'm going back to playing Tom Clancy's HAWX, great game. Kai over and out!