Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Thoughts of the Other Path

The Turn in the Road.
The path I didn't choose.

I realized why I don't like silence/sitting around and doing nothing. It's because my mind starts to wander to things I don't want to think about. As strange as it seems, I need the distractions to keep my mind focused. Is that ADHD? And apparently ADD doesn't exist anymore, its either ADHD or a milder case of ADHD. For some reason, I find that hilarious.
So anyway, I don't like letting my mind wander because it always goes backward. Not that I have anything to truly regret, mind you. Sure, I have just about as many regrets as everyone else does. But more than those, I think about the things I could have done rather than what I did. Its the whole "grass is greener on the other side" concept. I don't like it because it makes me feel that I'm not satisfied with my current life. On the contrary, I'm very satisfied with where I am. But I'm always thinking about where I would be if I had done things differently, if I could have done them better. And for me, that the most pressing issue I have. I always strive to do things better. If I can't think of a way to improve on something, it's not because its now perfect. It's because I'm failing at becoming better. Everything can always be better, that's what I kept telling myself as I grew up. So I can't accept the fact that something just might be good enough to leave alone. So I'm stuck in an endless cycle of improvement. It's not as bad as it sounds, if it sounds bad at all. I'm constantly improving after all. It's probably natural for other people to improve as time goes on, I'm just conscious of the change.
What really bothers me about when I think about myself is how much I haven't changed. I still have the same recklessness from when I was a kid, just impulsively doing things. My friends tell me how I take things for granted when I just up and choose to move. I quit my job, sell my stuff, move away, and start anew. Apparently, I shouldn't do that. I think they're right too, but I seem to be the traveler type. I strive for a better lifestyle, so I must constantly move to accommodate that. But I lose a lot in the process. I leave friends behind, memories, and things too. A friend of mine here in Florida still has the minifridge I left him when I went to Atlanta. Another one has my bicycle. It's interesting to see those things again, I'm surprised at their good condition. My friends too, they grew older , got married, and have lives I could never know unless I was here. It's a little hard catching up to everyone. And that's what I dislike the most about moving, its when I return somewhere you have been before. You have to play catchup with everyone as if you had been stuck in a coma for years. A number of my friends are in the army, overseas in the Near East. I just found out the other day that one my friends never made it back, he passed away last year while I was in Atlanta. That hit me hard. He had already been married, had a daughter, and was now gone. I wasn't there for any of that, and we hung out together so often in high school.
I just tell myself that that path I chose was the best path and to keep walking forward.

On a less depressing note, I have finally decided to start dropping anime for the new season. Milky Holmes is out, Ika Musume is out. Actually, its easier to say what I have left. Index 2, Ore no Imouto, Fortune Arterial, Bakuman, Yosuga, The World God Only Knows,  and Iron Man. It's seems like a lot, but it really isn't. Iron Man has an awkward broadcast schedule because the fansubbers are not as enthusiastic as I am about it. I could watch the raws, but I want someone else to translate it because I'm too lazy to do it in my head. And the greatest thing about watching anime new is that there's one episode at a time. Some people like anime marathons, I don't. I kind of like that week in between episodes where you wait in anticipation and talk about the next episode's preview with a bunch of friends watching the same show. Kind of like when everyone was watching Lost and we all discussed where we thought the plot was going. Obviously, it was going straight into the ground.
I can't believe I think Bakuman. It's basically two kids trying to make hit manga, explaining the steps along the way. So far, the main character talked about the elements that go into actually creating a manga. The latest episode was all about penmanship and the use of the G-Pen. It's interesting for my logical side.
Index 2 is just loads of laughs, seeing someone who only has the power to negate fight against people with all sorts of awesome magical powers. I feel that the main heroine, Index, is shafted to a side character now though. Nonetheless, I love this show.
Fortune Arterial, as cookie-cutter as it is, I still want to watch it. I think its the fact that it speaks to me just a little. The main character returns to a place where he lived several years ago, meeting familiar faces and trying to get back into life like before. it's not easy and there's new problems now. But that's really not what this anime is about. It's about vampires, wouldn't you know? Hah.
Yosuga no Sora is something all my friends watch, so I'm watching it with them. Don't ask why...
The World God Only Knows is hilarious beyond doubt. A guy who only plays dating sims has to pick up girls and have them fall in love with him. Although they cut out a lot of the jokes in the manga because they cram several chapters into a single episode, its still a good show.
Iron Man, why shouldn't I watch Iron Man? I mean, come on, it's Iron Man. I don't even need to explain anything.
Ore no Imouto is just comedy gold. I really can't explain it any other way. I can see the path it's going down and the ending will probably be stereotypically bad, but the journey there will be hilarious and full of lols. The characters are just lovable in their comedy and the main character is the one sane guy in a sea of freaks and weirdos. I always love that role.

In games, I've been playing Lost Odyssey. This game is just unbelievable. There are small little side stories that you can uncover as you go along that come to the character in the form of dreams that he had once forgotten. All the stories I have unlocked so far have been really, really sad. I haven't read such touching stories in a very long time. Whoever thought of these and wrote them was an emotional genius. Each of them are beautifully written, and the music(the first video) just matches the mood perfectly. Funny, how its just scrolling text that you read, yet I believe it's more effective than a cutscene. This game is 4 discs long and there's a lot more of these stories to find. There better be some happy ones in there or I'm gonna cry.
Still can't believe I haven't bought Medal of Honor or HAWX2 yet. I was looking forward to both games before they were released, but now I couldn't care less. Between Cities XL 2011 and Lost Odyssey, I don't even really do anything else. Except for listen to music.

Shania Twain holds the best selling country album by a female musician. And apparently, scientist have declared her face to be the perfect dimensions for a woman based on her facial measurements. Cool.

Pearl Harbor. And of course, Faith Hill. Who hasn't heard of Faith Hill?

Streets of Rage!!! That's where the music is from anyway.

I really like this guy's vids. He just cruises around Honolulu at night.

I had more to talk about, but I'll leave that for another day. Good night folks!


  1. Mmm, I agree, these videos of the guy cruising around Honolulu are good stuff! And I like how he has that "Aloha" at the back of his car. lol

    And yeah, ADD isn't a part of the DSM anymore. Veeery interesting. But no, I don't think that you would have ADHD symptoms just because there's some stuff you'd rather not think about. It's probably unpleasant memories and stuff that you're not ready to deal with yet or some other reason..
    And maybe the 'grass IS greener on the other side' - but if I ever find myself thinking like that I just have to pause for a min and adjust my 'priorities'. Because seriously, you, me, our friends, we're blessed living where we are. We have almost everything we need in life. ^^

    You like Shania Twain's music too!!! =D

  2. I kind of wanted Aloha on my license plate at one point. Right now, I could settle for ND4SPD. I'd only get pulled over every time I passed a cop.

    I found it very funny that ADD was eaten by ADHD, especially since I always thought the two were rather similar.

    And I agree with you on that, we live blessed lives with everything provided for us. Man, am I thankful for being born in the States rather than some other country.

    I don't really like Shania Twain's music, it was just on so often when I worked through high school I got extremely accustomed to it. Okay, it was much better than the hip hop/rap I got accustomed to in college. And comparing the two, I like Shania Twain and country music more than rap. At least country music was more innocent in the past days. That's just me being tsundere for mysic. OTL.